if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
