Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
