My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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