So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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