tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Terrible idea I love it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
