Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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