Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
