I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
