I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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