Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
