I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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