i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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