Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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