no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
