It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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