do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
