tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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