He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
