My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
