He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
