I'm so fucking centered right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
