you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
