I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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