We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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