I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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