I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He shit in the fireplace
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
