She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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