Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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