I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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