My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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