Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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