The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
