Got a toothbrush?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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