you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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