toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
