I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
