The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I want is dick and wine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
