yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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