so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
