So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love having hate sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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