I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
