took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
