he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
