how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
