first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize