We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
