hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
