I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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