My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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