I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
