I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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