I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am one with the molecules
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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