Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
