i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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