I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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