He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
