I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Life without a bra equals bliss.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
