My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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