I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
