I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You made out with two different species that night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
